By Michael
I first noticed my tremor while I was in elementary school. It was especially noticed after I was baptized and was to take communion for the first time. I could not handle the little cups of the wine (grape juice) nor could I take the wafers out of the containers that were passed out. I was taken to a pediatric neurologist who diagnosed me with benign essential tremor. My mother assisted me with communion for the next 18+ years until I graduated from college.
I served as a Commissioned Officer in the US Army for 24 years retiring as a Lieutenant Colonel. I did not begin taking the standard medications (Primidone and Propranolol) until three years after retiring from the Army. I am now 68 years old.
The main embarrassment was in doing simple things others did easily. For example, I learned to play piano, but often my tremor was so bad that I would lose control of my hands and be unable to play. This was mainly because of the anxiety I had because of my tremor. What I have noticed over the years (especially now) is that after two to three glasses of wine or any other alcoholic beverage, my tremor completely disappears and I can play beautifully.
It is especially challenging now because I view everything with the anxiety of how to manage my tremor. Things that other people enjoy and take for granted, such as going out to dinner, business events with cocktail hour and hors d’oeuvres, sitting down for a cup of coffee/tea, eating in front of others . . . become anxiety producing events for me. I do not dare to ask for a drink when flight attendants offer it to me while I am traveling. I spend a lot of time figuring out how I might sneak in a glass or two of wine or some other alcohol before those events to diminish the tremor.
I know there are medical procedures (Focused Ultrasound and Deep Brain Stimulation) available, but the idea of those procedures, the risks, and how they might change me or how I have to live my life forever have caused me to decide against them. I have been comfortable with just having a drink or two before an event, although most days I do not drink any alcohol. Sometimes, I’m not sure how much the glass or two of wine simply calms my anxiety so I am shaking less.
I believe that God expects me to have faith in Him and to trust Him to help me live with and manage this challenge of essential tremor. I have learned to love life, love myself, and step up to the challenge.
Just sharing this for anyone who will take the time to read this after being invited to participate in this blog. I’m wondering about others of the several million people in the United States who have ET and how they are managing their lives.