How Has Having Essential Tremor Affected My Life? (Scholarship Essay)

I first became aware of my essential tremor when I was in middle school, just before starting high school. It’s something I inherited from my maternal grandfather, and it mostly affects my hands, with my left being more noticeable than my right. At an age when fitting in was important, the visible shaking drew attention. There was some teasing, but I learned early to deflect it with humor and move on without letting it define me.

I gradually gained a better understanding of my own body. In high school, I realized that maintaining mental clarity, proper nutrition, and a consistent workout routine significantly reduced the severity of my tremor. This realization helped shape my understanding of the mind-body connection and gave me a sense of control. I couldn’t stop the tremor, but I could change how I dealt with it.

Entering the medical field posed a new challenge. As a paramedic and now an on-call hospice nurse, my hands are frequently the first point of contact during times of crisis. Colleagues, patients, and families have occasionally assumed my tremor indicated that I was nervous or uncertain. In high-stress situations, perception is important; if a patient believes their clinician is anxious, their own anxiety can worsen. At times, this made me question myself, not my competence, but how I was perceived.

Rather than retreating, I chose transparency. I learned to calmly explain my essential tremor when necessary, combining candor with clinical confidence, preparedness, and clear communication. Over time, my knowledge, composure, and decisive action consistently outweighed any initial concerns. I discovered that steadiness is not the absence of shaking, but rather the presence of control, clarity, and intention in the midst of it.

Living with essential tremor has profoundly influenced my empathy. I understand what it’s like to have a noticeable neurological difference that others may misinterpret. I understand the subtle tension of being perceived before knowing. This realization has increased my compassion for people who live with neurological conditions, mental health disorders, and other differences that affect how they move around the world.

Essential tremor has not hindered my career in emergency medicine or hospice care. Instead, it has honed my resilience, increased my self-awareness, and shaped my professional path. It is one of the reasons I am pursuing advanced practice in psychiatric and mental health nursing. I am dedicated to helping people whose differences, whether neurological, psychological, or physical, have shaped their lives. My experience has taught me that vulnerability and strength can coexist, and that true healthcare leadership is based on presence rather than perfection.

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If you want to be involved in supporting students with essential tremor as they work toward their higher education goals, consider making a donation to the Catherine Rice Scholarship Fund. The IETF awards up to 10 college scholarships each year to students with essential tremor.